When a physician takes the Hippocratic Oath, he or she
swears to uphold ethical standards of the medical profession, respect the
privacy of patients, prevent disease whenever possible and a wealth of other
noble responsibilities. But perhaps the
most important responsibility a physician has to uphold is to “first do no
harm.”
This is the tale of two physicians that have played very
significant roles in my family’s lives over the past year or so, and the
distance that separates the very different “bedside manners” of each. One is
the surgeon who performed my weight loss surgery; the other, the one who
removed my mother’s cancerous kidney. As patients who are going through a
traumatic experience (and let’s face it, some instances to see a physician are
more traumatic than others, but they all share some degree of seriousness,) we
expect a level of bedside manner to ease us through our medical issue. Of
course, some patients need more coddling than others and for that matter, some
situations call for more patient coddling. (And speaking as a frequent patient
who has had multiple surgeries including c-sections, gallbladder removal,
appendectomy and most recently a gastric sleeve procedure, I myself have needed
different levels of coddling.) I also realize that being a doctor is hard. One
must balance the high-level stress of holding someone else’s life in your
hands, while also knowing how to treat a variety of ailments, with the emotions
that come with being human and helping your patients through the range of emotions.
It is certainly a profession that is not for everyone, and one that I could
never tackle. It should also be mention that I have an immense amount of
respect for physicians, nurses, EMTs and anyone in the medical profession. Some
of them, however, seem to handle their responsibilities to “do no harm” a
little better than others. And “harm,” doesn’t just refer to the physical and
medical conditions. The emotional aspect of seeing a physician can be just as
traumatic for the patient.
The two physicians to which I am referring could not be
further apart on the “bedside manner” scale. As you likely know, about a year
ago, I decided to undergo gastric sleeve surgery to aid in weight loss. I did
not take this decision lightly and I did lots of research, talked to many
patients who had the procedure done, and spent lots of time talking to doctors,
nurses, dieticians, psychologists, etc., before taking this very drastic step.
It should be noted that I am so very thankful I did this surgery – it has
completely changed my life! However, had I been able to choose another surgeon
to perform this procedure, I certainly would have. I am not going to mention
this surgeon’s name on this blog, but he is the leading bariatric surgeon in
Memphis and I promise you can ask anyone
in the medical profession or one of his past patients and they will agree with
me. He is an a$$hole. He is the most miserable human being I have ever met.
Period.
While he may be a great “technician” at his craft, his
bedside manner is the worst. He has no ability to connect with his patients on
a personal level. I’ve seen him on several occasions now, and he says the same
thing every time. He has a script from which he reads and he offers no words of
encouragement to his patients. I have chosen to sit there and stare blankly at
him until he has finished his script, but I’m quite sure he has had some people
yell and him and call him everything in the book. You may recall during my last
visit to him, he berated me throughout the entire visit. It. Was. Awful. I knew I hadn’t lost as much weight as I should
have, and trust me, I didn’t really need him to tell me that. Of course, I
didn’t want him to coddle me, hug me and tell me everything was going to be ok,
but I did want him to give me solutions and offer help. But what did he do? He
told me losing weight was easy- “you just don’t eat as much and you exercise.” Then
he proceeded to tell me that he himself lost 14 pounds the previous month because he wanted to. He just ate less. (I’m
going to pause for a moment and let that sink in.)
Of course! That’s it. The solution to all of my weight
problems for years and years was just that simple- I want to, so I just simply eat less and exercise more. Of course I
realize that scientifically, that is exactly how it works. However, life isn’t
really scientific. Raising kids and being married and working full time isn’t
scientific, either. But I will cut him some slack and agree that yes, scientifically, that’s how it works.
But let’s get real. Doesn’t he think that if it were that
easy for me (and so many others), I would never be in his office in the first place?
Doesn’t he know that admitting you can’t achieve your weight loss goals alone
after 40 years (give or take) of trying and finally admitting you need medical
help and a surgeon to remove 70% of your
stomach as the only way it will
happen is humiliating enough? Obviously he doesn’t. Of course, Doctor, I should
just eat less. Or as he likes to say in his script, stop eating Sonic Blasts. It’s
obviously that simple.
The other physician was my mom’s urologist, Dr. Adam Stewart of Conrad Pearson Clinic. He sits on the opposite side of the spectrum. I
haven’t shared this news publicly yet, but at the beginning of the month, in
what was a whirlwind of a few days, my mom was diagnosed with kidney cancer.
Luckily, she listened to her body and within 48 hours of symptoms, she was at
the hospital getting a series of tests and was diagnosed with that awful word.
The ER physician at Methodist Germantown was delightful and conferred with Dr.
Stewart. (Everyone at Methodist Germantown was delightful, by the way.) He got
my mom into his office Monday (we were at the hospital on Friday) and he said
very plainly, “it is cancer and I want to
get that kidney out quickly. If I have trouble scheduling it with the hospital,
I will admit you and take it out that way. I will game the system if I must to
get it that kidney out tomorrow or Wednesday.”
Dr. Stewart answered all of our questions, gave us so much
information and was very, very honest. He didn’t coddle my mom (nor me or my
brother), but was gentle, caring, used the appropriate amount of humor to
lighten the situation, and was simply human.
My father died from cancer, so hearing the word cancer was like a kick in the gut to us. But my mom being the super
woman she is, put on her positive attitude and said “Let’s get this kidney out today!!” He was able to remove the entire
kidney two days later and he was so wonderful with the group of family that we
had at the hospital with us. He even talked directly to my two kids, explaining
how he had gotten her kidney by “just
reaching in there and grabbing it and pulling it out.” Well done, Doc. You
know how to speak to two young boys! J
He put us at ease when things were happening so fast and when the word “cancer”
was all we heard.
She stayed in the hospital for two nights and came home on a
Friday- a week to the day we got that cancer diagnosis. She rested for a few days, then went back to
see Dr. Stewart for a follow up, and he let us know the cancer had not spread
anywhere else, he got it all when he got the kidney, and she was CANCER FREE! She wouldn’t even have to
have any chemo. She will get scanned every six months or so, but she could go
on about her business being a busy grandma yelling at baseball games. She would
just now do it with one kidney!
 |
| My spry and spunky Mama Sue with two of her wonderful grandchildren (minus one kidney!) |
Y’all, I promise if you need a surgical urologist, look no
further than Dr. Brian Stewart. I’m sure there are other great urologists in
Memphis, but he will be my family’s go-to from now on!
So now back to the other physician. I realize the bariatric
surgeon doesn’t have an easy job, and he has to put up some sort of shield
because some of his patients (probably most) are in complete denial about how
much food they truly consume, their poor eating and exercise habits, and just
what it actually does take to maintain a healthy weight. But I know he can do
better. There are other physicians at St. Francis that do this procedure and
I’ve heard from those patients that they do a much better job with bedside
manner. Perhaps this doctor can learn
from them.
First do no harm.
If you’ve ever had to go the doctor for your child, family member or yourself,
you know there is more than the physical pain that accompanies the visit. The
emotional toll can just about be as bad as thee physical pain. Any doctor can –
and should—be able to treat the physical ailment and be a skilled “technician.”
But finding the right balance of being a skilled “technician,” with just the right amount of heart for your
patients is the sweet spot. And in reading the Hippocratic Oath, I think that
is essentially the point. In this year filed with a lot of physician visits and
interaction, I can tell you that Dr. Stewart upheld that every bit of that
oath, and we will be forever grateful.
