Communication is Everything and Everything Communicates

I am a bullshitter by trade. I have two degrees in it, in fact. (And I practice it daily, just ask my husband.) And I must say, I'm damn good at it. Of course, I try (not always successfully) to use my bullshitting talents for good and not evil. Bullshitting is a craft. And like it or not, bullshitting is a significant part of public relations.

I say all of this to say... even bullshit is communication. I live by the mantra that Communication is Everything and Everything Communicates. If you've ever worked with me in a professional setting, you know that is always my communications counsel. They way you sit in a meeting, your facial expressions, your body language, your poker face (or in my case lack thereof), and yes, of course, your WORDS.  My great friend and one of my professional mentors, Gary Magenta, (of The Unbossy Boss fame) has helped me over the years to realize a lot of what I communicate with my body language, doodling and my words and phrases, and though I still have not mastered it, I am much further along that I was several years ago. (Shout out to Gary!)

But in this day and age, it's not just the words you say, it is also the words you tweet, post, or comment. Or the words that you allow to be spoken for you, either through a lawyer or a public relations statement.  For public relations professionals (and EEK! lawyers), the words crafted in a statement should be strong and strategic. In short, they should be "good words."  The statement should be taken as gospel and frankly, are your script. And good communicators don't veer from that script.

Hopefully that wasn't too long a run for a short slide, but the words chosen in a statement can either amplify or squelch a bad PR situation. And the Austin Nichols - Memphis Tigers issue is a bad PR situation for a program that doesn't need any more bad press. Let me go on record and say that I really hate to see Austin go. He is a highly-sought-after athlete that likely has an NBA future. He was good for the Tiger basketball program. He was good for University. He was good for the city of Memphis. I loved the story behind it-- "local boy stays home to be like Penny Hardaway." Damn, it was a great story to tell. I wanted to believe it, but deep down, I knew it would be too good to be true. Come on, Tiger Nation, you did too.

So when news surfaced last week that he was seeking a transfer from the Tigers, we knew it was a culmination of many things that led to this. Sure, I had a little fun at his expense and told him he needed to buck up and not let a breakup impact his decision, but I knew it was more than that. (And I can't blame him.) Then Pastner and the University prolonged the situation by not immediately granting the release. That made them look sour. My communications counsel (had I been consulted of course) would have been to graciously grant him the release and then take the high road and say wonderful things about Austin and the Nichols family and wish him well. Sure, we can be bitter in private, but publicly take the high road. 

But the school and Pastner didn't do that, and thus, prolonged the situation. It took a couple of days to grant the release and they finally did. Thankfully. But, there were a lot of conditions. The kid couldn't transfer to a lot of school. It made Pastner and the program look bad. It made them look petty. Again, prolonging a bad PR situation. Embarrassing.

Not much was heard for a couple of days and the city got back to celebrating #marcgasolofmemphis (woohooo!!!) and then, BAM!! The situation got worse- the Nichols family hired an attorney. And boy, did they choose the attorney -- and words --  carefully.

"The restrictions are nothing more than a calculated effort to punish Austin's family for his desire to transfer to a new program. Although the staff has attempted to imply ‘tampering,' the broad nature of the restrictions clearly establishes that ‘tampering' is not an issue; this is a calculated effort by a dysfunctional staff to punish a player for taking a step to remove himself from a failing program."

Ouch. Talk about using strong, good words. I might be in pain just reading that statement (and a little jealous I didn't write it.) Let's break it down by what it really says (minus the bullshit, though it was pretty straightforward.)

"The University of Memphis and the entire basketball program is mad at Austin for leaving.  They are making up this 'tampering' business to cover up that the program is losing support, money and fans, as well as losing a great player to a better school. Austin wants to transfer to Virginia and who can blame him? They are a very strong program -- stronger than Memphis and in a better conference. The Memphis basketball program and the University are the ones that aren't handling this breakup like adults."

Thankfully, within a few hours, the University did the right thing PR-wise and granted him an unconditional release. Now, let's keep in mind that honestly the U of M didn't do anything other programs haven't done in the past. Transfer waivers with restrictions are common. But the University was being petty and this attorney called them on it. And FINALLY, they did the right thing by squelching this negative PR situation pretty quickly.

Some might see this release as rolling over and to some degree, I completely agree.  But just like surviving a breakup, we have to suck it up, buttercup. Sometimes we have to take the high road and just Let. It. Go. It was the best thing to do PR-wise for an already suffering program.

Of course, the PR professional in me wishes the unconditional release had been accompanied by a statement from the University that said something like, "Austin has been an integral part of our program for two seasons and we hate to see him leave. He is a talented player and we wish him the best at Virginia. We have very talented players on our roster and look forward to the upcoming season. Thanks for the support, Tiger Nation."

But then again, that would be bullshit. What they really want to say is, "Fine, Austin. Go on to UVA and the ACC. We hope you fail miserably." #nobullshit

Surviving a Breakup: Dawn Ray of Sunshine Style

Rumor has it that Austin Nichols' reason for requesting a transfer from the University of Memphis is because he was dumped by his girlfriend. I'm sorry you got your heart broken, Austin, I truly am, but seriously??? We've all been dumped and it sucks. It's no fun. But suck it up, Buttercup, and deal with it. You are a very attractive, elite athlete and while she may be a cheerleader, she certainly isn't the only girl out there. Newsflash, you are 21 years old and in college!!! And frankly, you are a bit of a celebrity. Dating (or hooking up, or tindering, or whatever) is easy for you! It's not like you are a slightly overweight, comedic college girl who wasn't in a sorority who was always on the outside looking in (hmmmm, that sounds oddly familiar. A story for another time I suppose.)

I've certainly been dumped (we all have.) And IT SUCKS. And breaking up doesn't even have to be with an actual person to hurt. I recently left a job I held for 12 years (and I loved the work and the people there) and I have at times felt like we broke up (yes, I realize I am saying I feel like I broke up with an organization, but also with some of the people there.) I've gone through some mourning phases, just like a breakup.

I guess what I'm saying is this... breaking up sucks, but you have to suck it up and get over it. We've all had to do it at some point. And it isn't pretty. But since I've been through this a few times, I thought I would offer Austin some tips to handling a breakup- Dawn Ray of Sunshine style.


Do:

Eat your emotions: you have to mourn this breakup and loss somehow, and eating your emotions is definitely the way to go (but only for a short time.) Whatever your binge food is -- chips, ice cream, candy, whatever, just eat it. Do what it takes. No one will judge you if you only eat Doritos and ice cream for a week or so, I promise. It's understandable. (and sadly, I've done it.)

Drink your emotions: drinking dulls the pain, albeit temporarily. Maybe I'm not supposed to say that, but it does. Even for a short time. And while it can be dangerous, (that yummy goodness in alcohol (no matter your poison) walks a fine line of making you forget and then all of a sudden you remember) - no one will judge you if you drink a little too much and drown your sorrows. Just  make sure you have friends around that you trust who will take care of you. Please note, this may be better to do in the privacy and comfort of yours or a friend's home. If you're going to get sloppy, do it in private. You don't need any social media posts out there of you falling down, crying in your beer, or any other unsavory things to make this PR debacle worse for you.

Cleanse your palette: Date, tinder, flirt, whatever. You need to cleanse your palette. (just sayin'.) Need I remind you are are an attractive, 21-year-old athlete??

Work out: Dude, you are an elite athlete. An All-American contender, even. Don't let a girl stand in the way of your fitness and workout regimen. Put that energy to good use and work out. A LOT. Make her jealous and sorry. Remind her why she is an idiot for breaking up with you. Then, when she wants to come back, you can ignore her or turn her down. It is a glorious feeling.

Have a friend who is brutally honest:we all need that friend who will tell you like it is. That friend that will say "shut the F up already, I've heard enough." If you don't have one, get one. Hell, I will be that friend for you. I"m sure she's a lovely person, but you are better than her. It's not you, it's HER.

Have a friend that will listen: just like you need a friend who will tell you to shut the f up, you also need one who will tell you what you want to hear from time to time. Please note, this is probably going to be a girl. You need someone who will listen to you blubber on and on about the good times you both had and how sad you are. You need someone who will listen and not judge you when you talk about that romantic thing that happened that one time. Heck, this listener might even turn out to be a "palette cleanser" (just sayin'.)


Don't: 

Social Media stalk: sure, we've all done it, but it's just sad. DO, however, post fabulous and wonderful things (and pictures) about yourself to make sure she sees. I highly recommend you unfriend her right away. She will be abiding by this same rule of posting on the great things going on in her life-- her 30A bikini pics, fun nights with friends, etc. Trust me, I'm sure she may be upset too, but she won't post that. So Unfriend and Unfollow her NOW.

Just sit around: you can do that for about 3 days max, then you have to stop sitting around and channel your energy elsewhere. Since you are an athlete, I suggest working out. A LOT. You're a tall drink of water, Austin, a little more bulk will only make you a better NBA player when the time comes.

Make rash decisions: okay, maybe you've already done that with this transfer request. But Pastner hasn't actually granted the request yet, so you can technically still recant. (Please note, I am not saying you SHOULD or SHOULD NOT recant. I'm just saying that is an option.)

Let others speak for you: you are 21 years old. You have a voice. Use it. I know you respect your father and he only wants what's best for you, but you are setting a bad precedent letting him talk for you. This will not bode well in the NBA. Speak up. Be heard.

Come on, Austin, don't make a decision about your basketball career and ultimately your life based on a breakup. Don't let the fact that she is a cheerleader and you would see her at games as a constant reminder of the relationship that was deter you. Be a beast. Set your sights on the NBA and look past her cheerleader beauty and Palm Beach "tan.". Oh, and make her jealous, just like the e-card at the top says. Then, don't take her back. That's how adults handle break ups.

So. Many. Posts. (after such a LONG hiatus)

Yep, It's me. Dawn Ray of Sunshine. And for those who may have missed me, I'm BACK and more sarcastic than ever. (And if you haven't missed me, then why the HECK are you reading this blog?)

Today, I write this blog post heartbroken. Not heartbroken because it is in the 90s here in Memphis and I'm sweating all the darn time. No, not because I just realized today that I won't get to see a beach at all this summer. (I mean, that's a bummer, but not a realization that would break my heart.) And no, not becuase one of those Kardashians is leaving her stupid husband (wait, did I just mention a Kardashian?) Ugh.

Today, friends, my heart is broken -- shattered into a few thousand blue and gray pieces -- because it is just July and we, the people of Tiger Nation, received a blow. A blow of epic proportions. Austin Nichols, one of the biggest recruits snagged by Josh Pastner, our "local boy done good" announced his impending transfer from Memphis. And it isn't just a transfer, really. Transfers happen in April, after the season is over and we play the coaches shuffle. IT IS JULY and the Tigers' premier player transferred. Without being officially released. This is gonna be an ugly PR nightmare. Heck, it already is and the story is only about 3 hours old.

We don't have a lot of facts, but let's break down what we do know...

Austin wasn't supposed to sign with Memphis: but the stars aligned and the Briarcrest standout signed with the Tigers. He said he wanted to be the "next Penny Hardaway." Tiger Nation was excited. Thrilled. We pulled out our old Memphis State gear and relived the glory days of Penny. The comparisons began to flow... Nice thought, of course, and the story had the makings of a beautiful fairy tale of local (prep school) boy stays home to help revive a team that means so much to this city. But let's be honest, if we really dug deep down, we knew this wouldn't turn out too great. he was recruited by Duke and Virginia and other schools. But still, he signed, and we were thrilled.

The 2014-15 Memphis Basketball Season Sucked: no sugar coating it. Attendance sucked because the season sucked. The season sucked because they players didn't play like a team and truthfully, the coaching sucked. (Harsh, yes, But let's be real. It SUCKED.)

Austin hasn't really been happy: we've all heard the rumors. Austin isn't happy. Austin's father didn't want him to go to the Tigers. Austin needs to get away from home. But he didn't leave, FOR TWO SEASONS.

Others jumped ship in APRIL: Teammates Pookie Powell and Nick King didn't waste any time running out of the Fed Ex Forum and the Finch Center in April after a less-than-stellar season. But that was to be expected (and somewhat forgivable.) It was April, and they were solid players, but not our premier players.

Bad PR for the Program: simply, this is just bad PR for the entire program, and a paints a bad reputation seed in college basketball. Players leaving in April = acceptable. Players leaving in July = WTF?

Bad PR for Pastner: Heck, this just looks bad for Pastner all the way around. Really bad. He lost his star player in JULY!!! And, as of now, he won't grant his transfer. That's just being stubborn. I'm sure he has a good reason, but sometimes the reason doesn't matter. Perception is reality, and the perception is, Pastner is being a baby about it. Grant the kid the transfer. Try to stop the bleeding before it gets any worse.

Bad PR for Austin: whatever the reason, justified or not, this looks bad for Austin. Doesn't matter the history. Doesn't matter if he was thinking of transferring in April. Transferring in July looks bad. Real bad. And means he's got to sit out a year. And that's bad for him in so many ways. Bad that he won't be an ambassador for our school, our city and our program. Bad that he won't be playing basketball for a year. Sitting out a year just isn't good, I don't care how talented you are. An athlete must practice and hone his craft. If you aren't playing, it's hard to do that.

Needless to say, we don't know the entire story. Probably won't. And that's a shame. But I do know this, Tiger Nation is heart broken tonight. And very confused. And we don't really know where to place the blame (though I  bet I know where most will place the blame, myself included.) We've been through so much. We want to know the truth, or at least some fabricated version of it to make ourselves feel better. Sure, we can try to tell ourselves this won't matter and that we will be okay without Austin Nichols. We'll say we have the Lawsons and we'll be just fine. But it's more than just losing talent and "our next Penny Hardaway." It's the bad PR and reputation that goes along with this ugly situation. Recovering from a PR debacle is hard. Just ask Tiger Woods.