What Goes Around...

Like many Memphians (and music fans), I love Justin Timberlake. He’s talented, funny, a great entertainer and just relatable. Beyond that, I just really like his songs. One of the ones I’ve always liked is What Goes Around…Comes Around. Y'all know the one I’m talking about. It’s rumored to be the “sequel” to Cry Me a River, which was about JT’s ex, Britney Spears, and the rumored subject of the song is one of his friends and his celebrity girlfriend. It’s a break up song, one that is about finding out in time that what comes around goes around. JT sings about how he can’t believe this is how we are saying goodbye, but in time, what comes around goes around. Well, that song has been in my head a lot the last few weeks, and not because of any scorned lover or break up situation. Well, sort of. Let me explain.

If you know me well, you know I love college basketball. And 2008 was a banner year for me and my college basketball fandom. Truthfully, it is where my love for the Memphis Tigers basketball team bordered on obsession. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then just google it. Our little old Memphis Tigers spent a good portion of the season at the top of the basketball polls. Now, we’ve always been a basketball town here in Memphis and truthfully, have always loved our Tigers and we’ve had a few shining moments in the national spotlight (Larry Finch, Penny Hardaway) and have had some nice tournament runs, but nothing anyone outside of Memphis would count as considerable. Then we hired arguably one of the best college basketball coaches to ever coach the game. John Calipari. He took the best available college basketball job there was, and at the time, that was Memphis. Cal had previously coached at UMass and had bolted the college scene for the NBA and it didn’t go so well. He needed out of New Jersey. Memphis came calling, and he accepted. It was rocky at first (which may be putting it mildly.) But he was afforded patience by the residents of our fair city and there’s one thing you can say about Memphians, we get behind something with all of our passion. And after a couple of seasons, we were behind him 100 percent.  For better or worse, we began to welcome him as a Memphian. Heck, we even welcomed him as family. And when he took us to the Promised Land (The NCAA Tournament—all hail March Madness) as a #1 seed, we rejoiced. We cheered through the entire tournament (even when they said we would be he first #1 seed in history to be beaten by a #16 seed.) We hung on and we made it to the Championship Game. And then, we lost. And that hurt. A lot. Hell, it still does hurt. But somehow we got through it. We all cried together. And we looked forward to the next season.

The next season wasn’t as fruitful as the previous one, but Cal had redeemed himself in the eyes of the college basketball world (the general consensus much to Tiger fans chagrin was “if he can make Memphis that successful, he can do that at another school.”) Kentucky—the mother of all college basketball jobs—came calling and even though he said he wasn’t interested and lied to Memphis fans and the Memphis media about leaving, he left anyway. Without saying goodbye. Sort of like the equivalent of getting broken up with via text message (only we didn’t even get the text message.) I will spare you the details, but in short, he broke up with us for a hotter woman. He left Memphis. Took our recruits, coaches and even our snow cone machine and headed to Lexington.

Like all of Tiger Nation, I was distraught. I had bought everything Calipari sold -- hook, line and blue and gray sinker. Just like he told us too, I carried that chip on my shoulder. Now, my coach left. And he didn’t even say goodbye. I was crushed. I was depressed. I took it entirely too hard (my husband was genuinely worried about me.) Then, like the stages of grief, I got mad. I began to formulate this (why my husband considered) unhealthy outlook toward Calipari. So I did what any heartbroken person would do, I wrote a letter. 

I needed to break up with him. So I wrote a broke up letter to John Calipari. I posted it on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/notes/dawn-ray/an-open-letter-to-coach-cal-from-a-tiger-fan/63807527053 . I sent it to by friends via email. It was cathartic for me. And with that catharsis came my new pastime-complaining about Calipari.  It sorta became my new “party trick.” Just the mention of his name sent me into orbit. I got on my soapbox about him being a snake oil salesman (can’t take credit for that phrase, that was all Tom Ray.) But I was vocal. Friends and co-workers used to watch me unleash when anyone asked about Calipari. When I was traveling for work, I would overhear someone at cocktail parties say “ask Dawn about John Calipari,” just for their own entertainment. I even was set off when I heard the words “University of Kentucky” or saw a UK logo. I had it bad. I was a woman scorned. And you know what they say about the fury of a woman scorned…

Slowly, I managed to get over the breakup. The Tigers hired a new coach (uh, the only one he didn’t take with him to Kentucky) and I became a Josh Pastner fan. I realized life kept chugging along (just like Red said in "The Shawshank Redemption" —  I needed to “get busy living or get busy dying.”) I tried to get busy living. Eventually, I didn’t think about him as much. I didn’t talk about him as much. And I (almost got over him.)

Then of course, he started doing really well at Kentucky (of course he did, he’s a good coach and it’s one of the most storied programs in college basketball history.) And it opened the wound again. I won't even get into the fury of having to vacate the wins from 2008 and take up the banner from our National Championship year. Because of him, that got erased from the history book and that banner doesn't hang. He eventually won a National Championship at Kentucky and Big Blue Nation celebrated. They too, think he is a basketball god as I once did. 

But eventually, the empty feeling you get after a breakup subsided. Nowadays, I handle it pretty well. I only get a little bothered by him a few times each basketball season—or when that fateful three by Kansas’ Mario Chalmers in 2008 is shown repeatedly.

Now, here’s where the “what goes around comes around” part comes into play. I started a new job about three weeks ago. I. LOVE. IT. There is one tiny irritant with it, however. I can’t walk five feet in the office without being bombarded with a University of Kentucky logo. Why, you ask? Well, I work for a company that is one of the leading managers, developers and owners of collegiate housing. And our crown jewel, flagship on-campus property? Yep, that’s right. The University of Kentucky. There is a UK logo everywhere. On my new desk was a coaster set commemorating the UK relationship. Over the next few weeks or so, I will even take a trip to Lexington to tour our beautiful properties on the campus. I can’t seem to escape it.

Now, I know that UK isn’t all Calipari. There's much more to Kentucky than a college basketball coach. It is a wonderful school with strong academic programs, beautiful student housing and much more to offer its students along with a strong basketball program. But to a sports fan like me, the universities are associated with their college athletic programs. And if ever in a game of word association, I will associate UK basketball with John Calipari.

So, JT. You had it right when you recorded that breakup song. In time, you will find what goes around, goes around, goes around comess all the way back around…. I just never thought it would be me on this end of things. After all, I didn’t break his heart. He broke mine. 

Surviving a Breakup: Dawn Ray of Sunshine Style

Rumor has it that Austin Nichols' reason for requesting a transfer from the University of Memphis is because he was dumped by his girlfriend. I'm sorry you got your heart broken, Austin, I truly am, but seriously??? We've all been dumped and it sucks. It's no fun. But suck it up, Buttercup, and deal with it. You are a very attractive, elite athlete and while she may be a cheerleader, she certainly isn't the only girl out there. Newsflash, you are 21 years old and in college!!! And frankly, you are a bit of a celebrity. Dating (or hooking up, or tindering, or whatever) is easy for you! It's not like you are a slightly overweight, comedic college girl who wasn't in a sorority who was always on the outside looking in (hmmmm, that sounds oddly familiar. A story for another time I suppose.)

I've certainly been dumped (we all have.) And IT SUCKS. And breaking up doesn't even have to be with an actual person to hurt. I recently left a job I held for 12 years (and I loved the work and the people there) and I have at times felt like we broke up (yes, I realize I am saying I feel like I broke up with an organization, but also with some of the people there.) I've gone through some mourning phases, just like a breakup.

I guess what I'm saying is this... breaking up sucks, but you have to suck it up and get over it. We've all had to do it at some point. And it isn't pretty. But since I've been through this a few times, I thought I would offer Austin some tips to handling a breakup- Dawn Ray of Sunshine style.


Do:

Eat your emotions: you have to mourn this breakup and loss somehow, and eating your emotions is definitely the way to go (but only for a short time.) Whatever your binge food is -- chips, ice cream, candy, whatever, just eat it. Do what it takes. No one will judge you if you only eat Doritos and ice cream for a week or so, I promise. It's understandable. (and sadly, I've done it.)

Drink your emotions: drinking dulls the pain, albeit temporarily. Maybe I'm not supposed to say that, but it does. Even for a short time. And while it can be dangerous, (that yummy goodness in alcohol (no matter your poison) walks a fine line of making you forget and then all of a sudden you remember) - no one will judge you if you drink a little too much and drown your sorrows. Just  make sure you have friends around that you trust who will take care of you. Please note, this may be better to do in the privacy and comfort of yours or a friend's home. If you're going to get sloppy, do it in private. You don't need any social media posts out there of you falling down, crying in your beer, or any other unsavory things to make this PR debacle worse for you.

Cleanse your palette: Date, tinder, flirt, whatever. You need to cleanse your palette. (just sayin'.) Need I remind you are are an attractive, 21-year-old athlete??

Work out: Dude, you are an elite athlete. An All-American contender, even. Don't let a girl stand in the way of your fitness and workout regimen. Put that energy to good use and work out. A LOT. Make her jealous and sorry. Remind her why she is an idiot for breaking up with you. Then, when she wants to come back, you can ignore her or turn her down. It is a glorious feeling.

Have a friend who is brutally honest:we all need that friend who will tell you like it is. That friend that will say "shut the F up already, I've heard enough." If you don't have one, get one. Hell, I will be that friend for you. I"m sure she's a lovely person, but you are better than her. It's not you, it's HER.

Have a friend that will listen: just like you need a friend who will tell you to shut the f up, you also need one who will tell you what you want to hear from time to time. Please note, this is probably going to be a girl. You need someone who will listen to you blubber on and on about the good times you both had and how sad you are. You need someone who will listen and not judge you when you talk about that romantic thing that happened that one time. Heck, this listener might even turn out to be a "palette cleanser" (just sayin'.)


Don't: 

Social Media stalk: sure, we've all done it, but it's just sad. DO, however, post fabulous and wonderful things (and pictures) about yourself to make sure she sees. I highly recommend you unfriend her right away. She will be abiding by this same rule of posting on the great things going on in her life-- her 30A bikini pics, fun nights with friends, etc. Trust me, I'm sure she may be upset too, but she won't post that. So Unfriend and Unfollow her NOW.

Just sit around: you can do that for about 3 days max, then you have to stop sitting around and channel your energy elsewhere. Since you are an athlete, I suggest working out. A LOT. You're a tall drink of water, Austin, a little more bulk will only make you a better NBA player when the time comes.

Make rash decisions: okay, maybe you've already done that with this transfer request. But Pastner hasn't actually granted the request yet, so you can technically still recant. (Please note, I am not saying you SHOULD or SHOULD NOT recant. I'm just saying that is an option.)

Let others speak for you: you are 21 years old. You have a voice. Use it. I know you respect your father and he only wants what's best for you, but you are setting a bad precedent letting him talk for you. This will not bode well in the NBA. Speak up. Be heard.

Come on, Austin, don't make a decision about your basketball career and ultimately your life based on a breakup. Don't let the fact that she is a cheerleader and you would see her at games as a constant reminder of the relationship that was deter you. Be a beast. Set your sights on the NBA and look past her cheerleader beauty and Palm Beach "tan.". Oh, and make her jealous, just like the e-card at the top says. Then, don't take her back. That's how adults handle break ups.

Social Media and Today's College Athletes... Freedom of Speech, but not Freedom from Ramification

This blog post has been in my head for a while, so I think I will just jump right in. I definitely think there are some merits to the relationship between social media and today's college athletes. (The NCAA prefers to call them "student-athletes" but I'll just call them college athletes. I really should call them employees of the school, but that's another blog post.) One one side of the spectrum, tweets and Facebook posts really help build a fan base and following for the team and college. I, for one, follow many Memphis Tigers basketball players (current and former, along with a few future) and find it fascinating. Maybe I'm a dork, but I like to see how they interact with each other on social media and Twitter and how they trash talk each other a bit when they are playing summer ball in the Bluff City Classic.

I think these young men help build excitement around their team by giving fans a sneak peek into their lives outside of the 2 1/2 hours we see them on the court during basketball season or on TV. Sometimes they even have profound things to say. Other times, not so much...

On the other side of the spectrum, however, I think too much Twitter and social media can be detrimental to the team, its players and even its fans. Think about how many people have made stupid comments via Twitter that have affected their reputation forever? All is takes is one ill-placed tweet or post and your reputation is ruined.

I guess what I am saying is SOCIAL MEDIA IS DEFINITELY ABOUT FREEDOM OF SPEECH. BUT IT IS NOT FREEDOM OF RAMIFICATION. So, when a player posts trash talk about the other team, you better believe that team is going to see it and a smart coach would use it to his advantage in the locker room to get his team fired up.

If I were a coach, I would ban social media on game day. Players would have to turn their iPhones or Blackberries or whatever device they have before they turn in for bed the night before (for an earlier game) or first thing that morning for a night game. They could have one last tweet before turning the device in and going dark from social media. Then, it would be time to focus. That would alleviate some game day posts and potential trash talking. And posting from the locker room? No way. Not that they are saying mind-boggling things, but let's face it, if they are tweeting from the locker room right after the shoot around, they are not as focused on the upcoming game.  And being a college athlete is about focus and determination.

I also think putting social media in the hands of young, naive players is a bit irresponsible. They should be coached by their coaches and the coaching staff about the ramifications of negative social media instances. Their social media activity should be monitored by the coaching staff so the coach knows what is going on in their personal life. (Please note, some coaches may be out there doing this, but I'm not so sure. The players I follow could use a little coaching on reputation management.) It would be unfortunate if someone were to ruin their career and future due to a reputation-altering tweet or Facebook post.

I think social media has its place in sports, certainly, but I wonder about the negative impact that comes from it, particular on game days. Only time will tell, I guess, and I will still go one following my Memphis Tigers and other athletes to see what they are up to. Besides, how else would I know what Jalen Rose's Bible verse is for the day?

Tender Moments….. From BOB HUGGINS?????

Yes, that’s right. Probably two phrases I never thought I would ever say in reference to each other. But if you watched the Men’s Final Four game on Saturday night between Duke and West Virginia, you know what I mean.

Of course, I am a bit biased. I have adopted WVU senior Da’Sean Butler as my favorite “non-Memphis Tiger” basketball player and he has certainly not disappointed. Butler is an exceptional student and a mature, smart basketball player. (God help me if he disappoints and ever gets into any serious troubles--say with hookers.) He is active in the community and has helped bring West Virginia to the national prominence it experienced in the 50s when Jerry West (“The logo”) played as a Mountaineer. Butler has scored 2,095 points becoming the 3rd highest scorer in WVU history. Even if you hate Huggins, you gotta love that.



So when he came down hard on a play involving Duke’s big man Brian Zoubek, buckling his knee with 8 minutes left in the game, my heart sank. He was writhing in pain. He was beating the floor with his hands. He was in tears. I am sure he was hurt, but I am betting he felt he had let his team down. WVU had the game within 5 points at one time, but Duke just outplayed them. Being the leader that he is, Butler likely felt defeated. He likely felt he had let his team down. So many times before, he had been Mr. Clutch, always there when his team and state depended on him. He likely knew it was over.



Then, it happened. After immediately yelling at the refs for the call, Coach Huggins makes his way to his player, the team leader, and displays one of the most touching and tender moments I have ever seen in sports. He kneels down over him, cradling his face, and talks to him like a father to a son. One can only imagine what he said, but he was trying to calm Butler down. Reassuring him, comforting him, being compassionate. He spoke nose to nose with Butler. It was a scene etched into my brain forever.

And all of this from Bob Huggins. A man with a shady past in college basketball, a very public DUI, a “resignation” from Cincinnati after the university’s president called for him to be fired. A coach who went for years with a 0.0 percent graduation rate (sound familiar Tiger fans? Remember the Dana Kirk days?) A man who recruited hard hitting thugs to his basketball program. A coach who yells obscenities at his players and doesn’t really display one gentle bone in his body.

I was shocked. I was in disbelief. I was touched. Coach Huggins and another WVU player helped Butler off the court. And you know the rest of the story. The Duke Blue Devils went on to beat the Mountaineers by 21 points, securing their place in the championship game with underdog Butler University.

It was announced yesterday Da’Sean Butler suffered an ACL injury, now with his NBA career somewhat questionable. But he will also be one of the best players to ever play the game in my mind.

Never before...

Never before have I been so pleased and thrilled to see 2 teams lose. If you know me pretty well, you know I despise the Univ. of Tennessee. Equally so, I don't like that coach of theirs, Bruce Pearl. (To give him some accolades, he has done a tremendous job at UT, even in the face of some legal troubles of his players on New Year's Day.) Of course, you know I loathe John Calipari (I actually loathe the fact that I let him dupe me and so many other Tiger fans with his "chip on the shoulder" snake oil, but I digress.)

This weekend, Tiger fans all across the country rejoiced when Kentucky was beaten by West Virginia. And if you have been a Tiger fan for long, you know how difficult it is to root for West Virginia. Not because of their players, or the Mountaineers' Jerry West history, but because of their coach, Bob Huggins. The fact that Memphis fans are rooting for Bob Huggins just shows how much we feel we were wronged by Coach Cal.

You see, we've always hated Bob Huggins. He was the Cincinnati coach for a while and Memphis and Cincy were fierce rivals. He recruited thugs to play on his team and he even called the Memphis fans "obnoxious." Which started a t-shirt and sign campaign about being an OBNOXIOUS TIGER FAN. Anyone still have one of those shirts??

So, for us to actually ROOT for Huggins says a lot. I've actually been watching WVU a lot this season and have really grown fond of their team. I picked them to win it all! (granted they are the only team in the final four that I have picked in my bracket, but still.) Huggins' players make mature and strategic decisions while on the court, and don't seem to have any issues off the court. And Da'Sean Butler. Just call him Mr. Clutch. He has hit the game winning shot within the last few seconds for 6 of their games. Expect great things from this kid!

Seeing Coach Cal with that look of disappointment on his face was a thing of beatuy. Is it wrong to revel in someone else's misery? If so, then I am wrong...

For Tennessee to lose the very next day was also a joy to watch. Credit to Bruce Pearl and his team for making it to the Elite Eight for the first time in the school's history. I'm just hoping this means Pearl gets a better offer at another school and takes it. That way, we won't have to see him in that God-awful day-glo orange blazer, and we will be rid of him. (yes, a tad bitter becuase they have beaten Memphis since he became Coach. I can admit to that.)

Anyway, the Final Four is set and there is a #1 seed, a #2 seed, and 2 #5 seeds. Should be an interesting tournament.