The (Closet) Purge

Sorry I’m just now getting to the December 1 update on December 10, but I’ve been a little busy. Between my new job, lots of basketball practice and games for the boys, and preparing for Christmas, Team Ray has had a lot going on.

So, I’ll just get right to the point. I went for my three-month post op checkup last week and here are my stats: down 65 pounds (50 since surgery August 23), I have lost 46 percent of my excess body weight. Wow. Just wow. Those are amazing numbers to me. And though I have a long way to go, Tom keeps reminding me of how far I have come. And not just my weight and my looks, but my attitude. My thoughts on food have changed and I am making exercise a priority. (well, except those times I can’t muster up enough energy to get out of bed at 5 a.m. and go to the gym, and then Tom reminds me that my gym clothes that are lying on the bathroom floor are crying because they are lonely.) But I’m exercising more than I ever have in my life. And I don’t hate it.

December 1, 2016
3 months post-op 

 But even though we’ve been busy, I did take some time to do something I desperately needed to do. I purged my closet. It was both a pain in the ass, and also cathartic for me. My sweet mom helped me and we carved out a few hours on a Saturday to tackle the task. I had clothes for days, and in all sorts of places and closets in our house. I also had a vast array of sizes. In short, it was a chore. Some things needed throwing away anyway because they were out of style. Others I had saved to wear as transition clothes, but I managed to bypass that size altogether, or couldn’t wear it because the weather didn’t match up with the type of clothing. Some things I could look at and just tell it wouldn’t fit, but other things I tried on. And you know what I discovered? I discovered that I can’t even really "see" what size I am or how much weight I have truly lost. 

Then I began to try and put into perspective how much weight 65 pounds was. Zane, my 6-year-old, weighs 65 pounds. I had lost the equivalent of a healthy, active 6-year-old boy. I had a lot of emotions that day: amazement, pride and anger. I was amazed that I had actually lost that much weight in such a short period of time. I was so proud of myself for doing something that I truly never thought was possible. (Seriously, I put some of those clothes on and they absolutely fell off me, when they used to fit or be tight.) And truthfully, I was angry. I was angry that I couldn’t have figured this out on my own in the first 40 years of my life. That I had let myself get to the point that I had to have 70 percent of my stomach removed to get my s#!t together. But I didn’t dwell on that too long, because we had work to do.

We had piles for Goodwill, piles for consignment and piles for Dress for Success. I made $60 from the ones I consigned (honestly, I hate consigning, so many rules!!!) and then I donated so many nice clothes to Dress for Success. My closet is pretty bare right now, but I’m making do with what I have that fits and I’ve bought a few basic pieces to wear and rotate. It seems my “uniform” is a color cardigan or jacket over a black dress or black slacks. I only have two pair of jeans and a few casual items, but I’m getting it done. There is a lot of room in my closet, but it has made me realize that I don’t need as many clothes as I once had. Of course, my feet didn’t change sizes, so I still need as many shoes as Carrie Bradshaw.