Prep Day. All Systems Go!

And the award for best (legitimate) use of the poop emoji goes to.... Dawn Ray! 

That's right, folks, I am in the prep stage of my gastric sleeve surgery and that means a liquid diet full of broth, water, juice and a little yumminess called magnesium citrate to cleanse my colon. (hence the poop emoji.) 

This morning I went to the doctor to weigh in for surgery (like a boxing or a UFC fight, but with no paparazzi) and I was down 15 pounds! When my surgery was scheduled nearly 6 weeks ago, I was told I had to lose 12 pounds. So I got started right away. Cut out alcohol (mostly, I've had only 4 glasses of wine in that time) and began eating the way I should be. And I did it! I lost the 15 pounds. Truthfully, I could have lost a bit more but I was terrified I would lose too much and then the doctor wouldn't do the surgery. And I've already committed to doing this and gone through all of the emotions, so I didn't want that to happen. 

This weekend I tried to go about things as usual and prepare to be in the hospital and Tom asked me what I wanted my "last meal" to be. (Gotta say, it did feel like prison a bit.) So last night, my family and I went to Five Guys and I enjoyed a burger, fries and a diet coke. It was good, but it didn't taste as good as I wanted it to. The only thing I can guess is that it tasted the same, but my mind was stronger than the taste and I'm finally prepared for this surgery. Prepared to drink broth and liquid for 2 weeks and then pureed and soft foods. Prepared to give up diet coke. Prepared to limit my alcohol intake. And then when I can eat foods again, I will just eat smaller portions. I've got this! 

I sat there while Tom explained to the boys why I was doing this and they both understood. Tripp's answer was understanding that mom wanted to be healthy (and not just skinny, but healthier.)  Zane understood that Mom wants to be around a long time like Mama Sue and help take care of my grandkids one day. They were very mature and understanding about it. And supportive. I was touched and maybe cried a little. (but just maybe.) I'm fortunate and blessed to have such supportive loved ones in my life. The support from my friends and coworkers has been amazing. I'm ready to get this show on the road! 

Dawn Ray of Sunshine's Mail Bag

I’m completely overwhelmed. As I have read through the Facebook comments, messages, personal phone calls and texts I received (and even the hallway conversations at school and work), I have been touched by the outpouring of support, love and encouragement I have received from so many amazing people. I have to say, I never expected it would reach so many people and would strike such a chord.

I wrote that blog post mainly for me—writing helps me process my thoughts and since I’ve struggled with this for some time, I thought it would be cathartic for me. I had no idea it would help others. I’ve heard from so many kinds of people-- those who are currently and have struggled with the same food issues or similar food issues, those who have had the surgery (or some type of bariatric procedure) done in the past, and those who were just touched and supportive of me. I’ve heard from family, friends, former co-workers and bosses, best friends, fellow BCS school moms and sports moms, fellow former daycare moms and casual acquaintances. I’ve been called brave and strong. People have told me they are proud of me, will be praying for me and will be my cheerleader. I’ve been thanked for my candor and transparency for bringing a private issue into the conversation. I’ve even been called a badass (best. compliment. ever.)

 Frankly, I can’t help but feel a bit selfish as I look back on this post. I It has gotten a lot of attention, and it wasn’t intended to do that, but it has made me realize a few things:

·         I am not brave. To me, people who overcome things that are beyond their control are brave. I’m scared to death, but I know I can do it.

·         People can be awesome. (Sure, they can also be assholes but this post has restored my faith in humanity and people.)

·         Lots of people struggle with food and weight issues (and not just overweight people.) Yes, even those skinny mamas I see wearing tennis skirts and those running shorts. I know they work hard to look good, even though they may struggle like I do. (Y’all know I love my skinny mamas!)

·         What an awesome tribe I have. Family, friends, everyone, from all over.

·         My husband is even more of a saint than I thought. Yep, I know y’all are shaking your head right now agreeing with me. I mean, here I am, putting my personal weight struggles up on a blog for everyone to see. This will be a huge life change for him. Y’all pray for him too!

 I’ve also been getting a lot of questions (which I appreciate) and other comments, so I thought I would attempt answer them. Kinda like Dawn Ray of Sunshine’s Mail Bag.

What kind of surgery is it?

I am having gastric sleeve or a laparoscopic sleeve gastrectomy. You can google it, but essentially, here’s what you need to know. They take out approximately 70% of your stomach and leave you with a “pouch” for a stomach. The result looks like a “sleeve,” hence the name. My new stomach will be MUCH smaller than before – much like the size of a child’s stomach.

Is it permanent?

Yes, once they remove my stomach laparoscopically (through my belly button), they can’t put it back in. Ain’t no turning back once it’s out!

Wait, what?

Yep, you heard me correctly. That’s what they do. If you want to see the surgery for yourself (I personally HAD to watch it!!!) Then here you go… (WARNING! It is VERY graphic and shows the actual surgery from the inside of the body as it occurs.) You may have seen more graphic things on Grey’s Anatomy, but consider yourself warned.

 But you don’t look like you need this surgery.

Bless your heart. That’s so sweet (and dumb/naïve) of you.  I do. Trust me.

 You can’t possibly be that much overweight that you need surgery?

Again, bless your heart. I need to lose about 100 pounds or more according to my BMI (I haven’t set a weight target just yet.) And trust me, they won’t do this surgery if you just need to trim up and lose a few pounds. It is for the morbidly obese (and yes, as much as I want to cry typing that phrase,  I am considered that.)

There is a range that you have to meet in terms of your BMI to qualify for this surgery. I am on the lowest range, but I still qualify. (That means I’m fat enough for the surgery)

 What’s the recovery like?

If all goes well, I will be in the hospital for one night only. Then I will be home to recover. I will be off work for three weeks. You are welcome to come enjoy some broth with me. I plan to have many flavors.

 So what can you eat after surgery?

For the first two weeks, I will be on a liquid diet (mostly broth) and then slowly transition to a pureed food diet and then to soft foods. After 8 weeks, I will be able to transition to a low fat diet. (You know, the kind we should all be eating anyway.)

You don’t need to do something so drastic, you just need to exercise and walk more, or eat less.

I realize this statement is coming from a place of love and concern, but no shit. We all need to walk and exercise more and eat less. (and I’ve heard this multiple times and I realize no one means any offense.)

Isn’t this taking the easy way out?

Is that even a question?

What can I do for you and your family?

Mostly, please send good vibes and pray for not only me, but for my family – all of us. This will be tough on everyone but I have vowed to make this as seamless for them as possible. So yes, if we have plans that revolve around food, the Ray Family will still be there. I just may be drinking my broth or some protein shake. (I also may not come right at first, so please don’t be offended.)

Can I bring your family dinner?  

This is such a true display of Southern hospitality and love, one for which I am immensely grateful. I have had several people ask if they can and it is honestly hard to say no. (I’ve tried saying no and some of our friends just weren’t having that answer.) I will have plenty of meals from Hope’s Dinner on Demand stocked in my freezer and Tom is an excellent cook. But if you want to bring Tom and the boys something, we would greatly appreciate it. Please just coordinate with either one of us after I’ve been home a few days.

 

Again, I am overwhelmed at this support. You are all badasses.  

Cute Running Shorts that Don't Fit, Turning 40 and Other #BS

Why I've decided to have weight-loss surgery

I just want to wear those stupid Nike/Under Armor/whatever brand running shorts in a regular size. You know the ones... they aren't too short and come in cute colors. You can't walk through Academy or Dicks or Target without tripping over them. They are a sports mom staple, the summertime equivalent of yoga pants. And dammit, I want to wear them.

It seems like a small thing, really. But my butt doesn't fit in them-- even the largest women's size they have at the store doesn't fit . And dammit, I want to wear them.  

I've been on a journey since the beginning of the year to focus on ME. And of course, in the requisite soul-searching you have to do when you turn 40 (OMG, how am I 40?!??!) my physical appearance has risen to the top as one of those focuses.  

I've spent a lot of time trying to get my $h!t together and figure out my weight issues (beyond just eating and drinking way too much.) I've tried to seek out patterns as to my eating habits, analyze my favorite foods and drinks, actually pay attention to my alcohol intake, but even more so, I've tried to determine why I eat what I eat.

I've gotten to a weight the last few years of which I am not proud at all. (Maybe one day I will have the courage to write that number down, but today is not that day.) My weight and the focus on myself go hand-in-hand and if I don't do something about it, I frankly won't have much of a future. I've thought long and hard about how to tackle this issue and I've come to a life-altering decision: I've decided to have weight loss surgery.

I freaked out early on and decided this decision wasn't for me. "It was too life-altering," I said. "I can't go without Diet Coke for the rest of my life," I said. "No alcohol for an entire year? NO WAY!" "I'll never be able to sit down and have a beer and a burger again," I said.  (Seriously, I considered those good reasons over my health?) Of course those were all excuses, and frankly, excuses have plagued me my entire life when it comes to my health and weight. But after some long conversations with Tom, and a few close friends, some serious soul searching, prayers and a few tears,  I have decided to go through with it. My surgery is scheduled Tuesday, Aug. 23. 

Coming to this decision has not been easy. I've had to endure countless medical appointments, visits with my physicians (which always have the embarrassing trip to the scale), a session with a therapist who specializes in food addiction and other eating disorders, a real conversation with a nutritionist, and lots of heart-to-hearts with my husband. Each time, I've been asked why I wanted to have weight loss surgery and I've finally come to the conclusion that  it's not a WANT for me, but a NEED. I can't possibly think of anyone who would WANT to have 70% of his/her stomach permanently removed! 

I even had to write a personal essay to my insurance company about why I felt this surgery was the best choice for me. And  while I have a lot of reasons, I came to the conclusion the WHOs in my life are my WHYs.

We've all heard the phrase, "you can’t judge a book by its cover." In my forty years on this Earth, one of the things I’ve learned for sure is that although your parents may teach you not to, many people do indeed judge a book by its cover. For an overweight person, no truer words have ever been spoken. Sure, some folks can see past the extra pounds and those who truly love you love what’s on the inside. But first impressions are everything, and we so often see the “outside” of a person first.

I’ve struggled with my weight most of my life, but it never really mattered much to me until the last few years. I had always accepted that I was “heavy set” and “big boned.” (Truthfully, I think I've hidden behind being the funny fat girl for most of my life, but that's a blog post for another time.)

But eleven years ago, my life changed forever when our first son, Tripp, was born.  Wow! What a life changer for both me and my husband. Being a parent is the hardest -- and most rewarding -- job I’ve ever had. It’s also the most exhausting. I was able to get most of the baby weight off when Tripp was born, but truthfully, I was still about 30 – 40 pounds overweight.

In 2010, we were blessed with another son, Zane. At first, the pregnancy weight was coming off and then it stalled. That’s when I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. And though I take synthroid, I’ve struggled to lose and keep weight off ever since.

Today, Tripp is 11 and Zane is 6. They are very active in sports: baseball, soccer, football and basketball. We are teaching them the importance of an active lifestyle full of sports and outdoor activity, but truthfully, I am exhausted. I can’t keep up. I know my weight is the main culprit of this.

They are at the ages now where they are aware of my weight struggles and frankly, that I don’t look like most of the other moms (skinny ones.) Of course, they love me anyway, but one day, I'm afraid they are going to take notice and be embarrassed of me. That is heartbreaking to me. I want to be there for them. I want to live a long and healthy life- to see them fulfill their dreams and to see my grandchildren. Tripp and Zane are my why.  

I have a wonderful support system in my husband, Tom. He is patient and kind with a loving heart and he loves me at any weight. In our 16 years of marriage, he’s watched me lose and regain weight multiple times. He knows the struggle I face. And he's ready to support me in this decision.

While the most important people in my life are part of my why for wanting this weight loss surgery, I am truly my biggest why. I spend a lot of time doing things for others. And I love that. But I turned 40 this year, and as I look back on those years, I’ve only been happy with the way I’ve looked just a few times in my life.

I am also very career-driven and ambitious. At times, I've felt my size has kept me from achieving some of my career goals. I am a communications director and have made communications my life’s passion, as well as my career. I spend the majority of my time at work creating communications strategies and tactics for well-known brands and encouraging others to communicate effectively. I believe that communications is everything and everything communicates. My weight certainly communicates something about me, and frankly, impacts the first impression I have on others. I can present the most creative communications strategies, but if people can’t see past my extra pounds, I likely have a hard time convincing them of my expertise.

It is an ugly truth. People do judge a book by its cover, and my cover happens to carry plenty of extra pounds. And while I have always “carried my weight well,” I want to break the cycle in my life of losing and regaining weight. I want to keep up with my sons and set a good example for them. I want to be confident in taking photos with my family so Tripp and Zane can look back at their childhood memories and say, “wow my mom was beautiful inside and out.” I want to feel better, and yes, of course, look better. For Tripp and Zane. For Tom. But mainly, for ME.

I am my why. Period. It's my body and my health and I have to be comfortable. And right now, I'm not. But I'm freakin' scared. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. I'm terrified of what's ahead, but I've talked to some wonderful people who have gone through this and have been willing to share their story with me. 

I'm planning on blogging about my journey, in true dawn ray of sunshine fashion (ahem, #nobullshit.) I'll give you the good, the bad and the ugly. 

And yes, I'm going to wear those stupid running shorts! So stay tuned, friends. It's gonna be a hell of a ride.

Communication is Everything and Everything Communicates

I am a bullshitter by trade. I have two degrees in it, in fact. (And I practice it daily, just ask my husband.) And I must say, I'm damn good at it. Of course, I try (not always successfully) to use my bullshitting talents for good and not evil. Bullshitting is a craft. And like it or not, bullshitting is a significant part of public relations.

I say all of this to say... even bullshit is communication. I live by the mantra that Communication is Everything and Everything Communicates. If you've ever worked with me in a professional setting, you know that is always my communications counsel. They way you sit in a meeting, your facial expressions, your body language, your poker face (or in my case lack thereof), and yes, of course, your WORDS.  My great friend and one of my professional mentors, Gary Magenta, (of The Unbossy Boss fame) has helped me over the years to realize a lot of what I communicate with my body language, doodling and my words and phrases, and though I still have not mastered it, I am much further along that I was several years ago. (Shout out to Gary!)

But in this day and age, it's not just the words you say, it is also the words you tweet, post, or comment. Or the words that you allow to be spoken for you, either through a lawyer or a public relations statement.  For public relations professionals (and EEK! lawyers), the words crafted in a statement should be strong and strategic. In short, they should be "good words."  The statement should be taken as gospel and frankly, are your script. And good communicators don't veer from that script.

Hopefully that wasn't too long a run for a short slide, but the words chosen in a statement can either amplify or squelch a bad PR situation. And the Austin Nichols - Memphis Tigers issue is a bad PR situation for a program that doesn't need any more bad press. Let me go on record and say that I really hate to see Austin go. He is a highly-sought-after athlete that likely has an NBA future. He was good for the Tiger basketball program. He was good for University. He was good for the city of Memphis. I loved the story behind it-- "local boy stays home to be like Penny Hardaway." Damn, it was a great story to tell. I wanted to believe it, but deep down, I knew it would be too good to be true. Come on, Tiger Nation, you did too.

So when news surfaced last week that he was seeking a transfer from the Tigers, we knew it was a culmination of many things that led to this. Sure, I had a little fun at his expense and told him he needed to buck up and not let a breakup impact his decision, but I knew it was more than that. (And I can't blame him.) Then Pastner and the University prolonged the situation by not immediately granting the release. That made them look sour. My communications counsel (had I been consulted of course) would have been to graciously grant him the release and then take the high road and say wonderful things about Austin and the Nichols family and wish him well. Sure, we can be bitter in private, but publicly take the high road. 

But the school and Pastner didn't do that, and thus, prolonged the situation. It took a couple of days to grant the release and they finally did. Thankfully. But, there were a lot of conditions. The kid couldn't transfer to a lot of school. It made Pastner and the program look bad. It made them look petty. Again, prolonging a bad PR situation. Embarrassing.

Not much was heard for a couple of days and the city got back to celebrating #marcgasolofmemphis (woohooo!!!) and then, BAM!! The situation got worse- the Nichols family hired an attorney. And boy, did they choose the attorney -- and words --  carefully.

"The restrictions are nothing more than a calculated effort to punish Austin's family for his desire to transfer to a new program. Although the staff has attempted to imply ‘tampering,' the broad nature of the restrictions clearly establishes that ‘tampering' is not an issue; this is a calculated effort by a dysfunctional staff to punish a player for taking a step to remove himself from a failing program."

Ouch. Talk about using strong, good words. I might be in pain just reading that statement (and a little jealous I didn't write it.) Let's break it down by what it really says (minus the bullshit, though it was pretty straightforward.)

"The University of Memphis and the entire basketball program is mad at Austin for leaving.  They are making up this 'tampering' business to cover up that the program is losing support, money and fans, as well as losing a great player to a better school. Austin wants to transfer to Virginia and who can blame him? They are a very strong program -- stronger than Memphis and in a better conference. The Memphis basketball program and the University are the ones that aren't handling this breakup like adults."

Thankfully, within a few hours, the University did the right thing PR-wise and granted him an unconditional release. Now, let's keep in mind that honestly the U of M didn't do anything other programs haven't done in the past. Transfer waivers with restrictions are common. But the University was being petty and this attorney called them on it. And FINALLY, they did the right thing by squelching this negative PR situation pretty quickly.

Some might see this release as rolling over and to some degree, I completely agree.  But just like surviving a breakup, we have to suck it up, buttercup. Sometimes we have to take the high road and just Let. It. Go. It was the best thing to do PR-wise for an already suffering program.

Of course, the PR professional in me wishes the unconditional release had been accompanied by a statement from the University that said something like, "Austin has been an integral part of our program for two seasons and we hate to see him leave. He is a talented player and we wish him the best at Virginia. We have very talented players on our roster and look forward to the upcoming season. Thanks for the support, Tiger Nation."

But then again, that would be bullshit. What they really want to say is, "Fine, Austin. Go on to UVA and the ACC. We hope you fail miserably." #nobullshit

Surviving a Breakup: Dawn Ray of Sunshine Style

Rumor has it that Austin Nichols' reason for requesting a transfer from the University of Memphis is because he was dumped by his girlfriend. I'm sorry you got your heart broken, Austin, I truly am, but seriously??? We've all been dumped and it sucks. It's no fun. But suck it up, Buttercup, and deal with it. You are a very attractive, elite athlete and while she may be a cheerleader, she certainly isn't the only girl out there. Newsflash, you are 21 years old and in college!!! And frankly, you are a bit of a celebrity. Dating (or hooking up, or tindering, or whatever) is easy for you! It's not like you are a slightly overweight, comedic college girl who wasn't in a sorority who was always on the outside looking in (hmmmm, that sounds oddly familiar. A story for another time I suppose.)

I've certainly been dumped (we all have.) And IT SUCKS. And breaking up doesn't even have to be with an actual person to hurt. I recently left a job I held for 12 years (and I loved the work and the people there) and I have at times felt like we broke up (yes, I realize I am saying I feel like I broke up with an organization, but also with some of the people there.) I've gone through some mourning phases, just like a breakup.

I guess what I'm saying is this... breaking up sucks, but you have to suck it up and get over it. We've all had to do it at some point. And it isn't pretty. But since I've been through this a few times, I thought I would offer Austin some tips to handling a breakup- Dawn Ray of Sunshine style.


Do:

Eat your emotions: you have to mourn this breakup and loss somehow, and eating your emotions is definitely the way to go (but only for a short time.) Whatever your binge food is -- chips, ice cream, candy, whatever, just eat it. Do what it takes. No one will judge you if you only eat Doritos and ice cream for a week or so, I promise. It's understandable. (and sadly, I've done it.)

Drink your emotions: drinking dulls the pain, albeit temporarily. Maybe I'm not supposed to say that, but it does. Even for a short time. And while it can be dangerous, (that yummy goodness in alcohol (no matter your poison) walks a fine line of making you forget and then all of a sudden you remember) - no one will judge you if you drink a little too much and drown your sorrows. Just  make sure you have friends around that you trust who will take care of you. Please note, this may be better to do in the privacy and comfort of yours or a friend's home. If you're going to get sloppy, do it in private. You don't need any social media posts out there of you falling down, crying in your beer, or any other unsavory things to make this PR debacle worse for you.

Cleanse your palette: Date, tinder, flirt, whatever. You need to cleanse your palette. (just sayin'.) Need I remind you are are an attractive, 21-year-old athlete??

Work out: Dude, you are an elite athlete. An All-American contender, even. Don't let a girl stand in the way of your fitness and workout regimen. Put that energy to good use and work out. A LOT. Make her jealous and sorry. Remind her why she is an idiot for breaking up with you. Then, when she wants to come back, you can ignore her or turn her down. It is a glorious feeling.

Have a friend who is brutally honest:we all need that friend who will tell you like it is. That friend that will say "shut the F up already, I've heard enough." If you don't have one, get one. Hell, I will be that friend for you. I"m sure she's a lovely person, but you are better than her. It's not you, it's HER.

Have a friend that will listen: just like you need a friend who will tell you to shut the f up, you also need one who will tell you what you want to hear from time to time. Please note, this is probably going to be a girl. You need someone who will listen to you blubber on and on about the good times you both had and how sad you are. You need someone who will listen and not judge you when you talk about that romantic thing that happened that one time. Heck, this listener might even turn out to be a "palette cleanser" (just sayin'.)


Don't: 

Social Media stalk: sure, we've all done it, but it's just sad. DO, however, post fabulous and wonderful things (and pictures) about yourself to make sure she sees. I highly recommend you unfriend her right away. She will be abiding by this same rule of posting on the great things going on in her life-- her 30A bikini pics, fun nights with friends, etc. Trust me, I'm sure she may be upset too, but she won't post that. So Unfriend and Unfollow her NOW.

Just sit around: you can do that for about 3 days max, then you have to stop sitting around and channel your energy elsewhere. Since you are an athlete, I suggest working out. A LOT. You're a tall drink of water, Austin, a little more bulk will only make you a better NBA player when the time comes.

Make rash decisions: okay, maybe you've already done that with this transfer request. But Pastner hasn't actually granted the request yet, so you can technically still recant. (Please note, I am not saying you SHOULD or SHOULD NOT recant. I'm just saying that is an option.)

Let others speak for you: you are 21 years old. You have a voice. Use it. I know you respect your father and he only wants what's best for you, but you are setting a bad precedent letting him talk for you. This will not bode well in the NBA. Speak up. Be heard.

Come on, Austin, don't make a decision about your basketball career and ultimately your life based on a breakup. Don't let the fact that she is a cheerleader and you would see her at games as a constant reminder of the relationship that was deter you. Be a beast. Set your sights on the NBA and look past her cheerleader beauty and Palm Beach "tan.". Oh, and make her jealous, just like the e-card at the top says. Then, don't take her back. That's how adults handle break ups.

So. Many. Posts. (after such a LONG hiatus)

Yep, It's me. Dawn Ray of Sunshine. And for those who may have missed me, I'm BACK and more sarcastic than ever. (And if you haven't missed me, then why the HECK are you reading this blog?)

Today, I write this blog post heartbroken. Not heartbroken because it is in the 90s here in Memphis and I'm sweating all the darn time. No, not because I just realized today that I won't get to see a beach at all this summer. (I mean, that's a bummer, but not a realization that would break my heart.) And no, not becuase one of those Kardashians is leaving her stupid husband (wait, did I just mention a Kardashian?) Ugh.

Today, friends, my heart is broken -- shattered into a few thousand blue and gray pieces -- because it is just July and we, the people of Tiger Nation, received a blow. A blow of epic proportions. Austin Nichols, one of the biggest recruits snagged by Josh Pastner, our "local boy done good" announced his impending transfer from Memphis. And it isn't just a transfer, really. Transfers happen in April, after the season is over and we play the coaches shuffle. IT IS JULY and the Tigers' premier player transferred. Without being officially released. This is gonna be an ugly PR nightmare. Heck, it already is and the story is only about 3 hours old.

We don't have a lot of facts, but let's break down what we do know...

Austin wasn't supposed to sign with Memphis: but the stars aligned and the Briarcrest standout signed with the Tigers. He said he wanted to be the "next Penny Hardaway." Tiger Nation was excited. Thrilled. We pulled out our old Memphis State gear and relived the glory days of Penny. The comparisons began to flow... Nice thought, of course, and the story had the makings of a beautiful fairy tale of local (prep school) boy stays home to help revive a team that means so much to this city. But let's be honest, if we really dug deep down, we knew this wouldn't turn out too great. he was recruited by Duke and Virginia and other schools. But still, he signed, and we were thrilled.

The 2014-15 Memphis Basketball Season Sucked: no sugar coating it. Attendance sucked because the season sucked. The season sucked because they players didn't play like a team and truthfully, the coaching sucked. (Harsh, yes, But let's be real. It SUCKED.)

Austin hasn't really been happy: we've all heard the rumors. Austin isn't happy. Austin's father didn't want him to go to the Tigers. Austin needs to get away from home. But he didn't leave, FOR TWO SEASONS.

Others jumped ship in APRIL: Teammates Pookie Powell and Nick King didn't waste any time running out of the Fed Ex Forum and the Finch Center in April after a less-than-stellar season. But that was to be expected (and somewhat forgivable.) It was April, and they were solid players, but not our premier players.

Bad PR for the Program: simply, this is just bad PR for the entire program, and a paints a bad reputation seed in college basketball. Players leaving in April = acceptable. Players leaving in July = WTF?

Bad PR for Pastner: Heck, this just looks bad for Pastner all the way around. Really bad. He lost his star player in JULY!!! And, as of now, he won't grant his transfer. That's just being stubborn. I'm sure he has a good reason, but sometimes the reason doesn't matter. Perception is reality, and the perception is, Pastner is being a baby about it. Grant the kid the transfer. Try to stop the bleeding before it gets any worse.

Bad PR for Austin: whatever the reason, justified or not, this looks bad for Austin. Doesn't matter the history. Doesn't matter if he was thinking of transferring in April. Transferring in July looks bad. Real bad. And means he's got to sit out a year. And that's bad for him in so many ways. Bad that he won't be an ambassador for our school, our city and our program. Bad that he won't be playing basketball for a year. Sitting out a year just isn't good, I don't care how talented you are. An athlete must practice and hone his craft. If you aren't playing, it's hard to do that.

Needless to say, we don't know the entire story. Probably won't. And that's a shame. But I do know this, Tiger Nation is heart broken tonight. And very confused. And we don't really know where to place the blame (though I  bet I know where most will place the blame, myself included.) We've been through so much. We want to know the truth, or at least some fabricated version of it to make ourselves feel better. Sure, we can try to tell ourselves this won't matter and that we will be okay without Austin Nichols. We'll say we have the Lawsons and we'll be just fine. But it's more than just losing talent and "our next Penny Hardaway." It's the bad PR and reputation that goes along with this ugly situation. Recovering from a PR debacle is hard. Just ask Tiger Woods.

A Cultured Evening with the Rays

It was a typical Friday night in January. The Ray Family was together at a family event, but with a slight twist. It was, indeed, a sight to behold. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we went to the "Toughest Monter Truck" Tour in Southaven, Mississippi.

Along with thousands of other fans, we were serenaded by the likes of a wide range of musical stylings including, Van Halen's Panama and Hot for Teacher, The Who, Neil Diamond, Metallica's Enter Sandman, Queen, Motley Crue, AC/DC and  The Black Eyed Peas (because what's a party withouth Boom Boom Boom?) Even Will Smith's Gettin' Jiggy Wit It and Humpty Hump's The Humpty Dance entertained us.

But as eclectic as it was, the music wasn't really the hightlight of the evening -- though it did provide an excellent soundtrack. Oh no, the most cultured part of our night was the people watching. It seems watching monster trucks transcends all racial and economic boundaries. Young, old, black, white, rich, poor, all kinds of people like to watch the Monster Truck mayhem in an indoor arena. But there were several scenes to add to the culture of the evening. Allow me to elaborate:

Date Night: we saw many a couple, teenagers and young couples in their 20s enjoying a romantic evening out watching $150,000 trucks smashing junker cars and doing wheelies. Yes, nothing says "I love you so much" than two tickets to see who is the "toughest monster truck."

Trip to the Big City: I, too, was this when I was a child. I lived in a small town, with the closest big city being Memphis. We saw lots of wide-eyed little boys and girls seeing

Tattoos and Tank Tops: even though it was January, the ladies pulled out their good tank tops to show off the guns.... literally. A few seats down from us was a woman showing us her tattoo... a beautiful masterpiece featuring two Colt 45 revolvers positioned over a pair of wings. Yes, guns and angel wings. Even the masters couldn't haven't painted a piece so lovely.

Camo, camo everywhere: Fans broke out their best camo attire- fleece jackets, pants, sweatshirts and hats-- with no deer or waterfowl in sight to shoot.

Family Fun Night: this was the majority of the fans in attendance at the Landers Center, including the Rays.

In all, it was a great event for the entire family (we just happened to leave Zane at home, given the extremely loud noise.) And sure, I have poked fun at some folks, but even I enjoyed myself. I was in awe when Stinger rolled over some junk cars and even when he tipped over and they had to bring the Cat out turn him right side up. I loved it when Shell-Camino (the evening's only female driver) turned over and emerged from the truck unharmed. And I screamed with glee when a 6'3" motocross quad rider did a full back flip across the arena floor. Up the ramp, across the floor, a complete back flip with the four wheeler, then landed safely on the other side.

It was not Masterpiece Theater, but is was as entertaining a night as I've had in a while.