If you know me, you know I was born in Halls, TN, population (around) 2,000, one stop light, one grocery story, one drug store. No Sonic. A small town by any standards. I try to get back to see my mom some, but it keeps getting harder and harder to get there with 2 kids, working full time, keeping up with the preschool politician’s busy schedule, etc. (The politician makes it back fairly often to spend time with Mama Sue.)
Recently, I went to visit Mama Sue, with baby Zane in tow. The politician was already there and we got there on a Thursday morning. I decided to reconnect with a friend I have known for 30 years and she came to visit. She lives in Halls with her 3 boys and husband and I thought it would be nice to reconnect. She invited me and Tripp over to her mom’s house to swim the next day (her mom was my kindergarten teacher.) (For all who may know, I am talking about Lori Booker Wilson.)
Tripp and I arrived at the pool that day around lunch time and he had such a great time swimming with Lori’s son, Sam. It was surreal, however, sitting there with someone I have known for 30 years and watching our children play together. Swimming in the same pool I had swam in for many summers. Jumping off the same diving board.
Sitting on that deck, there in the hot summer sun, it was hard to believe that we were watching our children do the same things we used to do. We caught up on our lives (what we didn’t know through Facebook, that is) and she caught me up on all of the Halls gossip.
As I tried to go to sleep that night in my childhood bedroom, I thought about the allure of a small town and why people stay there after high school, go back there after being gone, or just move there altogether. There are certainly some great things about living in a small town: you know your kid’s teachers (and not just by being introduced to them on the first day of school), you run into people you know at the grocery store, your kids can walk home from school or to ball practice or to the store for an ice cream cone.
But me, I’m just not a small town girl anymore. Of course, some would argue that Memphis is hardly a big city, but I guess it is big enough for me. I sometimes see folks I know at the grocery store, but not usually. (Sometimes I’m just not in a talkative mood when I am in the cereal isle, and that really isn’t an option when you live in a small town. You have to talk. It’s just rude if you don’t.) I enjoy the plethora of things available to me and my family for recreation: movies, museums, a larger church, AAA baseball, U of M basketball and football, concerts. (not to say you don’ t get these things when you live in a small town, but they aren’t as easy to get to.)
Lately I’ve been feeling pretty nostalgic about my childhood and the friends I knew back then. I don’t really keep up with them anymore (except for Facebook.) I didn’t go to my high school reunion and never will. I’m not sure why I lost touch with all of them, but I do miss them. We all had some pretty fun times and some not-so-fun times. All of our experiences shaped who we are, for better or worse. Maybe I am running away from what I was back then. I was so insecure and had such low self esteem. I don't want to be that person ever again. I don't think I really figured out who I was until I got married and settled in my life.
Small towns remind me of the person I used to be, and I don't like that person. I never did. I can certainly see the allure of a small town, but I think I’ll stick with the suburbs. For my own good, if nothing else.
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