Worst. Breakup. Ever.

I’ve been through tough breakups before. We all have (unless you are one of those freaks who have never been dumped… that’s just not natural.) They’re not pretty. I’ve had a few bad ones myself. My high school boyfriend and I broke up 3 times. The first time, he broke up with me. I was devastated, depressed. Everything a 15 year old girl would be when she was dumped. After all, he broke up with me three weeks before Valentine’s Day. We got back together after a few weeks, then it was my turn to dump him. I think he took it better than me, but we ended up getting back together again, much to my parents’ chagrin. It lasted a few more months and then we both broke up with each other. Neither of us handled it well.

As an adult, I have had a few breakups and some went better than others. One was amicable and we are still friends to this day. The other, not so much. I was dumped and I decided to drown my sorrows (don’t we all?) I drowned my sorrows in an entire bottle of Gossamer Bay Zinfandel and boy did I pay for it. (Bear in mind I wasn’t a wine drinker then but I sure did guzzle that $6 bottle of wine.) It ended very badly. Of course, I drunk dialed and that led to me going to his house, becoming belligerent, yelling at him and then throwing up. A lot. At least I didn’t throw up on him. That was the last time I talked to him so I am quite sure he has a horrible lasting impression of me.


All in all, breakups are just bad. I’ve heard of breakups where car doors are keyed, houses are rolled with toiler paper, even baseball bats are taken to cars and their windshields. Now with Facebook and Twitter, it is bound to get even uglier. But never before have I seen the scorned burning jerseys in the streets. But then again, never before have a seen a breakup any worse than the one between LeBron James and the city of Cleveland.

Poor Cleveland Cavs fans. They now feel like that dumped, 15 year old slightly chubby girl sitting in her room listening to the radio relating every song to her breakup and her broken teenage love affair. I was that girl and I feel for them.



LeBron handled himself so poorly during this entire free agent process. At first, I didn’t blame him. I blamed the media for putting him on this pedestal. I even blogged about it. But now, I have changed my mind. LeBron acted like a spoiled, little rich kid, the self-proclaimed King, showing no regard for the city that has been with him, stood by him, and built an entire team around him. A city that lived and breathed LeBron and basketball. But no more.


When I first heard ESPN was holding a one-hour special entitled “The Decision,” I thought, at least he is doing it from the Boys and Girls Club in Greenwich, CT. (of course, I have to ask why Greenwich needs a Boys and Girls Club, I always thought it was full of rich people who commuted into NYC to work. Perhaps the organization is there to help kids whose parents make less than $200,000 a year, but I digress.) But seriously, this whole thing has been ridiculous. A media spectacle that can only be found in America.


I just wish he would have made his decision and put it out in a statement to the media like everyone else. I would have made him seem more humble. It would have been the classy way to go. Perhaps Cleveland fans wouldn’t have felt so betrayed. Instead, he had to drag it out for a week, having the media camp out on his doorstep, report on his every breath and leave poor Cavs fans on pins and needles.


Since the Bosh and Wade news was announced on Wednesday, the day prior to LeBron’s announcement, it seemed to be inevitable he would join them in Miami. He had played with them before in the Olympics and it was no secret they wanted to play on the same team. He should have just released a statement shortly after that saying he had made the decision to join his friends Bosh and Wade and the Miami Heat in the quest for an NBA Championship. That’s it. No more spectacle. It would have made him look more humble and less like an ego maniac. But no, he had to drag it out for 24 more hours and star in a special on ESPN.


I personally didn’t get to see “The Decision,” so I decided to read the transcripts from the interview with ESPN’s Jim Gray. Of course, I can’t just post it the way it was transcribed. I will break it down so you will know what LeBron really meant.


What have you thought about this process?

This process has been everything I've thought and more. And that's what I did a few years ago; I put myself in a position to have this process where I can hear teams' pitches and figure out what was the best possible chance for me to ultimately win and to ultimately be happy.

Translation: I love all of this attention. I’m an ego maniac. I want to win and be rich.

You weren't able to be recruited because you went straight to the NBA from high school. Have you enjoyed this recruiting process now?


I have enjoyed it. And I want to thank all six teams that I had an opportunity to sit down with and hear what they had to say. And my team, they hear what we had to say also.
It's been an unbelievable experience, a real humbling experience to be even to be in this position.

Translation: I’ve enjoyed every minute of the entire country, heck, world even, watching my every move. I’ve loved having a ticker on Sports Center. I’ve loved having media camp out in front of my Nike Skills Camp. I’ve loved having grown men beg me to come to their city. I’ve loved having President Obama beg me to come to Chicago. It is an ego maniac’s dream.



When did you decide?


I think I decided this morning. I mean, I decided this morning I went day to day. I wake up one morning, it's this team. I wake up another morning, it's this team. And it's a process that I felt it was I may feel like this is the best opportunity for me or not the best opportunity for me.


But this morning I woke up, had a great conversation with my mom. Once I had that conversation with her, I think I was set.


Translation: I’ve known all along I was going to Miami. I want to see how much people would beg and plead with me to stay in Cleveland or go to their city.



You've had everybody else biting their nails. So I guess it's time for them to stop chewing. The answer to the question everybody wants to know: LeBron, what's your decision?


In this fall, this is very tough, in this fall I'm going to take my talents to South Beach and join the Miami Heat.


Translation: This fall, I’m going to take my ego and powder down to Miami. I mean, who wouldn’t choose Miami over Cleveland???? Beautiful women, sandy beaches. Hell, it’s freakin’ cold in Cleveland.


Why?

Like I said before, I feel like it's going to give me the best opportunity to win and to win for multiple years, and not only just to win in the regular season or just to win five games in a row or three games in a row, I want to be able to win championships. And I feel like I can compete down there.


Translation: Being filthy rich just isn’t enough for me. I can’t win a championship by myself, being at Cleveland has proven that. I need more talented teammates.



How do you explain this to the people in Cleveland?


I mean, it's heartfelt for me. You know, it's hard to explain, but at the same time my heart, in the seven years I gave to that franchise, to that city, it was everything.

I mean, those 20,000 plus fans that came out every night we played, and they seen me grow from an 18 year old kid to a 25 year old man. And I never wanted to leave Cleveland. And my heart will always be around that area. But I also felt like this is the greatest challenge for me is to move on.


Translation: Suckers!!!!!!!!!!



What do you think will be the fans' reaction back there, and will you still live in Akron?

I'm not sure. You know, they can have mixed emotions, of course, but it's going to be a lot of emotions not understanding why. And then you're going to have the real friends who love me for who I am. For me being from Akron, Ohio, and loving Akron, Ohio, it's always home for me. I'm still going to live there, always be home. And Akron, Ohio is always home for me and that area.


Translation: I think the fans will still love me. I put the Cavs on the map. Of course, they will never be the same without me. I’m sure some folks will be mad at me, but that’s life. I’ll have a championship ring next year. Something Cleveland will never have. If I couldn’t give it to them, no one can. And will I still live in Akron? NO WAY! I'm gonna get me a sweet pad in South Beach.


For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about my behavior after that breakup. It was childish and immature. But it’s funny how things work out. If he hadn’t dumped me, I would never have met Tom and wouldn’t have the life I have now. So cheer up, Cavs fans. You never know where the road might lead.